Turkey Stuffing

As part of the team selection for a certain business function, I was given 60 minutes and a clean slate to express my creativity. With only 45 minutes to go for the bus to leave, I was a bit pressed for time. The fact that I didn't care if I was selected in any case may have had some effect on the final product.

So without further ado, I give you:

"Turkey Stuffing, or How I learned to stop worrying and love economy class"

With oil prices shooting through the roof, airlines are looking at further innovative ways to inconvenience their customers and perhaps cut costs. Having reluctantly ruled out pay per kilogram ticket schemes (Pounds for your pounds!) and having been told off for attempting to recycle seat stuffing as in flight meals, they’ve settled on trying to limit baggage allowances to the bare minimum. You’re now only allowed a total of 20 kgs for checked in luggage and some airlines are thinking of limiting you to just one bag. Since you know your company’s never going to shell out for business class, here’s a short guide to stuffing as much as possible into one travel bag and still being able to latch the damn thing.

Now the first thing to keep in mind is that not only do we have only one bag to put everything we need in, we’re limited by weight as well. So the first priority is to figure what you absolutely need and what you can do without. The first thing to go should be the toiletries. There’s no sense carrying around deodorant, toothpaste or anything else even remotely connected with hygiene. Your body odour hardly bothers you, so there’s no need to waste precious space on perfume when you can stuff in your Nintendo Wii instead. Don’t worry about your overseas colleagues; they’ll chalk up your reek to cultural differences when they finally regain consciousness.

Toss out your underwear too and only carry a single white shirt and a single pair of dark trousers. No one will be able to tell you haven’t changed or that you have nothing to change into. The same goes for your socks, handkerchiefs and every other article of clothing. A quick shower with everything on will suffice for laundry and a short lie down with ‘iron’ everything out quite well. All this leaves more space for the things that matter, like the gazillion adapters you need to keep your gadgets charged up.

Wrap all your clothes into one tight bundle and use the socks to lash it all together. Press down on the lump several times to force out all the air and you’re good to go. All the essentials now occupy a tiny portion of the bag, leaving you free to carry several kilos of samosas, pakodas or any other savories that you absolutely cannot do without.

In the final step, slam the lid down forcefully and press down firmly with your elbows locked. The hinges may protest a bit, but now is not the time for mercy. Holding down the lid with out hand, slam the latches shut and lock firmly.

That’s it, you’re all set. Be sure to read next times newsletter for details on how to further push your ‘baggage allowance’ by ingesting bits of your kit. All will be revealed (or rather concealed)!